Fire In The Hole!: Stomach Sounds and Flatulence During Massage

It’s been another one of those weeks. Your boss has been on your case, the kids are yelling, your significant other is crabby and no matter how much you clean it, your house is always a mess. Time for a massage!

After arriving for your long overdue appointment and once left alone in the treatment room, you tear off your clothes like it’s nobody’s business and scramble to get under the covers of the massage table. After smooshing your face awkwardly into the face rest, you fidget for a moment and at long last--with a sigh of relief--you sink down into the table. Finally.

The therapist enters the room and the moment you’ve been impatiently waiting for commences. The sheets are pulled back and the warm oil is applied as the therapist continues to glide and knead all your aches and worries away.

And then you feel it.

Bubbles of gas build up in your belly.

Oh no, you think. Just hold it in. It’ll pass.

And it does. Whew.

But then a moment later you feel it again, stronger this time. Still, you hold it in. But this time, your stomach announces the situation with a loud gurgle.

No, no, no. Please, no. Why now? You think, as you start to panic as if strapped to a bomb that could go off at any minute, rendering you paralyzed with shame and horror. You start to sweat. You feel like a Dutch oven ready to implode, but how could you possibly admit that?

And then--without any further warning to take cover or to run and hide--it happens.

Oh God. Oh no. I can’t believe that just happened. Maybe she didn’t hear it. What am I thinking? Of COURSE she did. It was like an 8.8 on the Richter scale! The whole table shook. Maybe the entire room shook. Does it smell bad? I can’t tell, I’ve had my face crammed into this face rest thing up to my ears and all I want to do is squeeze my entire body into it and disappear into a black hole…

Now let’s take a step back and assess the situation for a moment.

Is it REALLY that bad?

No. And I’ll tell you why.

When your body is relaxed, the parasympathetic nervous system (AKA the “Rest and Digest” system) kicks into gear. One of three divisions of the involuntary autonomic nervous system, the parasympathetic system conserves energy as it slows the heart rate, increases intestinal and glandular activity, and relaxes muscles in the gastrointestinal tract. Combine that with the massage stimulating the lymphatic, circulatory and digestive systems and you are no longer fully in control of everything that your body does. And that’s ok, because your massage therapist should have learned all about this during his or her training.

Stomach gurgles, burping, farting and snoring are all familiar sounds to massage therapists and should really be recognized as a job well done on their part. Much like slurping soup in Japan is a sign of approval and appreciation to the chef, those sounds that you try not to make during your massage could be considered a compliment to the therapist…as unorthodox as it may seem. ;)

The BEST Massage

Time and time again in the 8+ years that I’ve been working as a massage therapist I’ve been told, “That was the BEST massage I’ve ever had.”

But what does that mean, exactly? “The best massage.” What makes it any better than other massages. Aren’t ALL of them equally wonderful? I mean common, we’re taking about MASSAGE here people!

Anyone who has ever gotten more than one massage from more than one massage therapist knows that the obvious answer to that question is a big fat NO.

So I’m here to tell you what makes THE BEST MASSAGE, but not until I first tell you what makes a GOOD one.

Picture this:

A quiet room. Lights turned low. Soft music breaks the silence and the faint scent of lavender fills the air. You’re face-down underneath the linens on a massage table that has been heated to just the right temperature, your face cradled carefully in the head rest. You take a deep breath, and as you exhale your body seems to gently sink into the table as you anxiously wait for your massage to begin.  

A few moments later, after lightly knocking at the door, the therapist enters the room and checks in with you to make sure that you are comfortable with the temperature and the feel of the table. Any necessary adjustments are made and the therapist proceeds.

After carefully folding down the sheet to expose your back, the therapist applies warm oil or lotion to your skin and eases into a graceful technique that is the perfect combination of relaxation and therapeutic pressure--not too light but not too deep—moving with the tempo of the music. The transitions of the strokes are fluid and flawless, as if performing a dance.  Conversation is minimal, allowing you to relax as you drift between sleep and awake. Before you know it, the massage is over and the therapist quietly exits the room.

That was a good massage. Really good. But…it wasn’t the best. So what was missing? I’m not talking about a “happy ending” or “full release” either. Save that for the bedroom.

I’m talking about a few key ingredients that in their rarest and purest forms are not something that can be taught, but are God-given and come naturally and without any conscious effort.

These key things are: ComPassion, Intention and Intuition.

Allow me to explain….

First of all, compassion and passion when completely genuine go hand-in-hand. They become one in the same. A fusion, if you will. 

Compassion:

noun com·pas·sion \kəm-‘pa-shən\: a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, etc.

The best massage therapists who one day decide, “Hey, I think I wanna be a massage therapist,” don’t actually decide at all. You know why? Because this is something that has already been decided for them. It has been woven into their cloth of creation. It’s already a part of them. Because of what? Compassion. The want to help people in need…the desire to make people feel better…the compelling urge to heal others. These all start with compassion, and compassion is not something that can be taught. This is something that has to be discovered within one’s self. And true compassion cannot be complete without passion.

Passion:

noun pas·sion \’pa-shən\: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.

Passion is the glue that bonds all great massage therapists and healers to their craft. Without it, it’s just another job that pays the bills. It may be a job that they enjoy for a while, but without that passion, it’s just a job none-the-less. But with passion, the position becomes so much more than just a job. Many of us have heard the quote, “When you do something that you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” It’s true. When someone—anyone—is truly passionate about what they do, they don’t have to work at it. They just do what they really enjoy doing and they get paid to do it. Sounds pretty great, right? There is no “fake it ‘til you make it” here either. You can’t force yourself to be passionate about something. That’s not how this works. So if you’re reading this and you’re a massage therapist or thinking about becoming one and you don’t have the passion for this position, you’re going to burn yourself out before you ever really get started. Statistics show that the average career span for a massage therapist is seven years. SEVEN. YEARS. And you know why? Because the average massage therapist is just that: AVERAGE.  Sure, you have the exception of those who had to quit due to illness or injury or that found something else they’re even more passionate about, but in most cases, the absence of passion just leaves you with a means to an end.

So next we have Intention.

noun in·ten·tion \in-‘ten(t)-shən\: the thing that you plan to do or achieve : an aim or purpose.

When performing a massage, the best therapist does it with a purpose. They are mindful of what they are doing and remain in the present moment throughout the duration of the massage. If there are times that their mind does start to wander, they realize it and bring their full attention back to the client. Some therapists have such a strong intention and focus on what they are doing that the process literally becomes meditative. They completely clear their mind and their higher self seems to take over. I’ve had this happen on many occasions. It’s pretty cool.

This brings me to Intuition.

noun in·tu·ition \in-t(y)u-‘ish-ən\: the power or faculty of gaining direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference

So many times I’ve been told, “You always know how to find the right spots,” or “I didn’t even know that was bothering me,” or “How did you know to put your hands there?”

Some call it a sixth sense. Others call it a gift. Some people assume it’s part of my training or that it’s just plain dumb luck. Call it what you will, but a strong intuition will put you way ahead of the game and make the task a whole lot easier and effective.

Everybody has intuition. It’s a gut feeling or knowing that you can’t really explain. Some people just have a stronger intuition than others. It’s like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. There are different techniques that can be done to help strengthen it (meditation being one of them). I strongly suggest tapping in to this naturally available resource as soon as you possibly can. You’ll thank yourself for it, and so will your clients.

So, there you have it. The key ingredients for the BEST massage. Now go out there and give the best dang massage that you’ve ever given.  Or go and get one! I think I’ll go ahead and schedule my next appointment right now. :)

**Disclaimer: These key things that make the best massage are completely of my own opinion and experience of being on the giving and receiving end of massage therapy for almost ten years. No actual research has been conducted, but I’d like to think that any truly great massage therapist (or client of one) will agree.

Resources: Professional and personal life experience and http://www.merriam-webster.com/

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